


Hold Me Tight (Or Don't)

by Kirazalea



Series: You Can't Spell "Comfort" Without "Crippling Emotional Distress" [1]
Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Body Worship, Couch Cuddles, Crying, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fear, Fluff and Humor, Forehead Kisses, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Making Out, Nightmares, Ryan Bergara Loves Shane Madej, Secret Relationship, Self-Esteem Issues, Shane Madej Loves Ryan Bergara, Sleepy Cuddles, is it even a fic by me if there's not needless guilt???, it's just really fluffy at the end for no reason i'm gonna be honest, shane just loves his bf sm okay, so much fucking forehead kissing istg, to be fair though there's significantly less guilt in this one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-20
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2020-05-15 04:51:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19288492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kirazalea/pseuds/Kirazalea
Summary: After a night spent in an old haunted house, Ryan's left feeling on edge, too afraid to even close his eyes. As it all catches up with him, Shane is there to catch him when he falls.Just like always





	Hold Me Tight (Or Don't)

**Author's Note:**

> As usual, thank you to Lexie (@BergaraHoe), my wonderful beta and personal cheerleader. You're 90% of the reason these fics are happening.  
> This is also dedicated to the Shane Cult gc, because I promised you guys I would have some fluff after that last fic I wrote made some of you cry.
> 
> Title from Fall Out Boy

“Alright, see you losers in the morning,” Mark proclaimed after making sure the cameras were properly set up for the night. “Sleep well,” he teased, waving as he walked out the door.

Ryan and Shane shouted their respective goodbyes after him, hearing his muffled laugh through the thin walls as Ryan cursed him out sarcastically. Their cameraman knew _full_ well that Ryan wouldn’t be sleeping that night, the little fucker.

“Oh come on, Ry,” Shane said after Mark’s footsteps faded and the front door had shut in the distance. “You’ve slept in how many of these places? And you haven’t died yet.”

“ _‘Yet’_ doesn’t exactly inspire confidence,” Ryan responded, miffed. Just because he had done this before, didn’t mean he’d magically come to enjoy it. And just because he’d made it out of other places, didn’t mean that this wouldn’t be the _one time_ these spirits decided they didn’t like the two bumbling idiots spending the night in their domain.

Shane snorted at Ryan’s words, laying down on his sleeping bag and holding his phone up in front of his face.

They were spending the night at the Rosson House in Arizona, where the ghost of a former caretaker, who had been _mysteriously_ shot on the grounds in the early 80s, was said to still reside. There had been reports of doors locking on their own ( _maybe the doors just got stuck, this house is pretty old),_ fireplaces giving off phantom heat ( _that’s sort of what fireplaces_ **_do,_ ** _Ryan)_ , people hearing whistling in the wind ( _you just_ **_admitted_ ** _that it was the wind! Case closed, let’s go home!)_ , and, of course, ghost sightings.

They’d spent a good two hours moving through various rooms, trying to get the ghosts to speak with them. Shane, in normal fashion, had insulted them, trying to lure them out with his skepticism and leaving unimpressed with the lackluster display. Ryan’s stress had risen every time Shane shouted, hearing far off creaks and noises that Shane blamed on the wind.

Ryan already hated these places, but he was especially high strung tonight. In their last room, after five minutes each in the basement had left Ryan unnerved to begin with, he had pulled out the spirit box, mildly enjoying the look of exasperation that had crossed Shane’s face. They’d stood there, taking turns talking to the spirit (or the thin air, as Shane liked to call it), but nothing they could use happened. As Ryan had begun to say goodbye, a voice had filtered through the static. Ryan could’ve sworn that it said _Leave._

Ryan had looked to Shane with wide eyes, seeing Shane’s entirely unimpressed face staring back at him.

“Did you hear that?”

“Nope,” Shane replied, popping the ‘p’ at the end.

Ryan focused on the room around him again, swallowing.

“Can you repeat that, please?”

_Le-ave_

“I’m gonna need more than one word,” Ryan hesitantly said, hands shaking slightly as the beginnings of adrenaline started to course through his body.

 _Hurt_ ... _leave ... GO_

That one was so clear that Ryan nearly dropped the box. And yet, when his eyes turned upward to Shane for comfort, he found his partner raising a single eyebrow at him.

“You _can’t_ tell me you didn’t hear that!” Ryan demanded indignantly.

“I heard _static_ ,” Shane emphasized.

“It said to _leave_ Shane,” Ryan insisted frantically, “how the _fuck_ did you not hear that?”

Shane shrugged, making some joke to the camera, but Ryan couldn’t hear it over the roaring in his ears. He _knew_ what he heard, no matter what Shane said. There was something here, and it wasn’t happy with them.

“Ryan, are you alright?” Shane asked, his voice joking but sounding almost strained. Ryan focused on him, realising that his breathing was heavier than it should be. His eyes flicked behind Shane to see the rest of the crew staring at him, concerned.

“Fine,” Ryan said shortly, trying to get his breathing evened out once more. Shane’s eyes softened, looking troubled. He leaned toward Ryan a bit, opening his mouth to speak before he blinked, closing his mouth and clearing the worried look off his face. With a quick breath of his own, he turned back to the others again.

“I get why you’re so upset, man,” he said nonchalantly. “This place is dusty as _fuck_ , I can’t breathe half the time either.”

Ryan blew out a breath, focusing on Shane and the dialogue he was opening.

“It _is_ pretty bad in here,” he said, trying to sound convincing. “I’m surprised I haven’t sneezed yet, to be honest.”

“Careful, you’ll jinx it,” Shane quipped, face mock serious.

Ryan laughed a little. “So _now_ you believe in mystical shit?”

“I never said _that_ ,” Shane taunted, a smile threatening to break out.

After that, they had shut the cameras off. The crew helped set everything up for the overnight before heading back to their hotel rooms.

Which brought Ryan right back to his problem.

Shane was fine. He was calm, laughing at something on his phone, as always. But Ryan’s heart still wasn’t beating quite right; he could feel the pounding in his chest, more present that was probably good for him.

Every little creak was a signal for his mind to start racing again, wondering what was lurking in the dark. Every blow of the wind against the house made Ryan’s heart beat just a little harder.

Ryan wanted to say _fuck it_ , crawl over to Shane and let the taller man envelop him in his embrace until Ryan’s heart was beating for a different reason. He just wanted to feel _safe_ , to hear his partner’s assurances that everything would be okay.

But he couldn’t.

He and Shane had only been together for a short time. Their relationship was still something special and new, something that they wanted to belong to only them for as long as they could manage. And that meant that they hadn’t told _anyone_ yet.

Which meant that Ryan couldn’t force Shane to hold him down and kiss the ghosts out of his mind while they were still on camera.

Ryan’s comfort, his safe-haven, was just a few feet away, and yet Ryan felt like he was miles out to sea for all the good it did him.

“You seriously didn’t hear anything earlier?” Ryan asked, staring up at the ceiling to distract himself.

“I _genuinely_ did not hear anything,” Shane replied. He heard shuffling from his side where Shane was, but his gaze stayed fixed upward.

“Ryan, look at me,” Shane said quietly. Ryan could never ignore the other man when he used that voice; the soft one Shane reserved for when it was just the two of them.

Ryan turned his head, finding Shane on his side, propped up on his elbow as he stared at Ryan. “If you need to stop and leave, we’ll leave,” he promised, voice low enough that it would be harder for the camera to pick up. “It’s fine, man,” he continued, a little louder. “There aren’t any ghosts in here, and even if there _were_ , I’m sure I scared them off earlier with all of my screaming.”

Ryan huffed out a laugh, closing his eyes for a moment. “You _were_ yelling quite a bit,” he put in for the camera’s sake.

Shane laughed and Ryan felt his fears dampen a little; still there, but faint under the warmth in Shane’s voice.

“Go to sleep, dude,” Shane slurred out through a yawn, sliding down into the sleeping bag. “Everything’ll be fine, promise.”

“Yeah,” Ryan said softly, turning toward the ceiling again.

 

***

 

Ryan had lain awake for hours more before he finally slipped into unconsciousness. His breath caught every time the wooden floors creaked outside the door, every time the shadows seemed to darken in the corner where he couldn’t quite see, but eventually, his body was just too tired to keep his eyes open any longer.

Ryan wasn’t sure how long he slept before a deepset panic forced his eyes open. He stayed still, barely daring to breathe as he tried to figure out what had woken him up. He saw nothing, _heard_ nothing, not even a creak. Just as Ryan had convinced himself that it was his imagination playing tricks on him, he noticed a faint noise.

It sounded like whistling.

Ryan tensed, terror forcing its way into his mind as he sat up carefully.

Remembering the camera that was pointed directly at him, Ryan gulped. “Hello?” he said, voice breaking from disuse and fear. He cleared his throat and tried again. “Hello?” he called out, a little louder. “Is someone out there?”

The noise stopped.

Ryan’s eyes were wide, his heart beating hard and fast in his chest like it was trying to escape. His breath came out shaky and shallow. He waited in silence for another sound, another whistle. After a minute, he steeled his nerves and called out again. “Hello?”

Nothing answered him.

The wind outside battered the side of the house again, causing Ryan to jump and suck in a breath. He bit his lip as he considered his options. He knew he had heard _something_ , maybe even caught it on camera. He knew he should go and check it out, see if he could find it again. It would be great footage for the episode and he might even find something to convince Shane.

Shane. Who was lying a few feet away from him, completely oblivious to Ryan’s panic.

Ryan knew he didn’t have the courage right now to leave Shane’s presence. The only thing keeping Ryan from breaking down in fear right now was the knowledge that Shane was right there and, if it came down to it, he would make sure that Ryan got out of this _stupid_ house.

Ryan couldn’t even force himself to stand, let alone leave the room and the comfort Shane brought him.

He could always wake the other man up, but there was no promise that they’d find anything. Ryan knew Shane would hate to be forced awake at such an early hour if he didn’t need to be up. Ryan didn’t want to annoy his boyfriend, especially for something like this. He didn’t want to be a burden and have the other man be mad at him.

Ryan knew he should get up and investigate for the show’s sake.

He slowly laid back down in his sleeping bag.

He was still wide awake when the sunlight drifted through the windows hours later.

 

***

 

Ryan sat, bouncing his knee as he took another sip from his coffee cup. They had been in the airport for hours now. They should’ve been back in LA already, but their flight had been delayed due to weather.

They’d left the house a little after six that morning, filming their outro and meeting up with the crew outside a few minutes later. They’d packed everything up and had been at the airport before the clock hit quarter to 7.

Their flight was _supposed_ to have taken off at 7:30. It was now almost 9:00, around the time they should’ve been landing back in Cali. And yet here they sat, still stuck in fucking _Phoenix_.

Devon walked over to them, hanging up on someone. “I just called the office,” she started. “They said that there aren’t going to be any more flights for _hours_. They gave us to okay to just drive back instead, we’ll get home faster if we do.”

Ryan heard groans from the others as he himself let his head fall onto the back of the chair.

“I _know_ , I know,” Devon snapped, her hands coming up in frustration. “I don’t want to be stuck in a car for hours either, but it’s what we’ve got, so shut up and grab your stuff. The cars are out front.”

No one wanted to piss her off and they all felt for her having to deal with all of this, so with minimal grumbling, they gathered their bags together and walked toward the exit. Shane slid up next to Ryan as they walked along.

Leaning a little closer, he nudged Ryan gently with his elbow. “You okay? You seem a little… out of it this morning,” he noted quietly.

“I’m fine,” Ryan responded shakily, not fully trusting his voice.

He knew that Shane was staring at him, but he couldn’t make eye contact with the other. He was too exhausted to keep up any pretence; his mind was still absently running through what that noise could have been, keeping him in a dull state of fear. He just wanted to be able to sit and take a nap.

Shane, thankfully, didn’t press the issue, but he did shift the jacket he was carrying to be able to subtly squeeze Ryan’s upper arm for a moment. Ryan appreciated the support and shot the taller man a weak smile as they walked out the doors.

 

***

 

They’d finally gotten everything settled and were now leaving Phoenix. Their equipment had to be crowded into the back seat, so they’d had to take two cars to be able to fit everyone. TJ was driving Shane, Ryan, and Devon- who was sat slumped in the front seat- while Mark had volunteered to drive the second car with the rest of the equipment and the other three members of their crew that they brought with to locations.

Ryan leaned his head against the cold window as they drove, watching the rain streak down and obscure his view of the city. He closed his eyes, but that just brought his feeling of fear buzzing up to the surface. Snapping his eyes back open, Ryan decided it was better when he could see.

He felt a light tapping against his wrist and turned his head to look down at it. He followed the reach of the arm up to find Shane staring at him, eyebrows furrowed together in concern. The tilt of his head almost reminded Ryan of a puppy and he could’ve sworn he heard an accompanying whine emanating from the other man.

Maybe Ryan needed a little more coffee than he’d originally thought.

He shot a small smile at Shane, but before either of them could say anything, TJ chimed in from the driver’s seat.

“Anything interesting happen last night?”

Shane and Ryan exchanged a look at the wording. “Not much,” Shane answered. “I slept like a baby, didn’t even wake up until the sun was shining in my eyes.”

“How about you Ryan?” TJ continued, eyes briefly glancing at Ryan in the rearview mirror.

“‘Bout the same as ever,” Ryan said vaguely. He didn’t want to bring up the noise he’d heard quite yet. He knew that it would start a discussion and leave him open to mockery and he wasn’t ready to deal with that in the state he was in.

Devon snorted. “So... you got next to no sleep, is what I’m hearing?”

“Pretty much,” Ryan responded bashfully. “No offense to you guys, but I might crash on the ride home.”

“No, no,” TJ said, smile clear in his voice, “I get it, don’t worry. You’d rather sleep than hang out with your old friend the Teejmeister, it’s all cool.”

Ryan let out a small laugh. “You know I love you Teej-”

TJ cut him off quickly with a heavy sigh. “No, it’s okay, you don’t have to lie to make me feel better. I know the truth.”

Ryan’s smile turned to a soft smirk. “Well, I guess if there’s no point hiding it anymore…”

Devon’s laugh floated back toward him, making some of his panic fall back. Ryan’s smile widened a little at the sound as he turned toward Shane.

His boyfriend was smiling at him, the slightest upward tilt to his lips. His eyes were locked on Ryan like Ryan was something spectacular that Shane didn’t want to miss even a second of, though there was still some worry lingering beneath the gentle adoration.

Ryan felt his face heating up a little and ducked his head down, pretending to rummage through the bag at his feet. He straightened up again once the heat had faded a bit, holding out a bag of beef jerky.

“Want some?” he asked, holding the bag out to Shane.

“You know it,” he replied with a wink. He let the strip rest against his lips for a moment before finally opening his mouth to take a bite.

So much for Ryan’s face not being heated.

Mildly flustered, he passed the bag up to Devon and TJ, telling them they could keep it.

 

***

 

Ryan knew something was wrong before he even opened his eyes.

He’d been feeling more and more stressed the longer he stayed awake, but he refused to fall asleep, afraid of what would happen while he was out. Objectively, he knew that a car was probably the safest place for him to pass out; they were never stationary, constantly putting distance between them and that house. But while _Ryan_ knew that, he wasn’t so sure his subconscious did.

They’d been driving for hours already, with just over an hour left on their trip. The sunlight had felt so _nice_ on his face as he slumped further into his seat, the beams warm and comforting with their embrace; all the things he had been craving since last night.

He didn’t realised he had dozed off until he felt a hand on his shoulder. Instantly, Ryan recognised that the peaceful feeling from earlier had fled him in his sleep. He was breathing heavily, nearly gasping, and he flinched away from the weight on him, an overwhelming sense of _danger_ shooting through his body.

He couldn’t remember what he had dreamt about, if he’d even been asleep long enough to dream in the first place, but whatever his mind had been doing while his body was preoccupied had left him feeling uneasy and panicked; like he was trapped or running for his life.

His eyes flew open as his body threw itself back, getting as far away as the door of the car would allow, and, for a brief moment as he frantically looked around, Ryan wasn’t sure where he was. Then his vision focused on the person in front of him.

Shane was pressed back against his own door, pressing his right hand to his chest like he had been burned. Ryan felt a dull tingle on the back of his left hand, a phantom pain making itself known. Ryan took in Shane’s wide, pained eyes, his slightly parted lips, the way he seemed to be making himself seem as small as possible; and it clicked.

He’d fallen asleep.

He must’ve been making noise that drew the other’s attention.

Shane was probably trying to wake him up to check on him.

And Ryan had flinched away from him, horrified, slapping Shane away like he was dangerous. Like he would _hurt_ Ryan.

“Shane, I-”

“It’s okay,” Shane cut in quickly. “You’re- you’re _okay_ Ryan, you’re _safe._ ”

The anguish was well hidden, but Ryan knew it was there, knew the signs that betrayed his partner.

“I’m _so_ sorry Shane _,_ I didn’t-”

“Ryan?” a hesitant voice asked from the front seat. Ryan moved his head slightly to see TJ and Devon both turned around in their seats, looking at him worriedly.

“I’m- I’m alright,” Ryan stuttered out shakily, still trying to process everything. “What… What happened?”

TJ and Devon locked gazes for a moment before looking back to him again. “You started, like… almost _whimpering_ ,” Devon explained gently. “We made a joke about you having a _different_ kind of dream, but then… then your breathing got heavier and it sounded like you were _choking,_ so TJ pulled over and Shane reached over to make sure you were okay and you just _freaked_ ** _out_**.”

“I… I don’t remember dreaming anything,” Ryan admitted, his breathing not quite normal, but less frantic.

“Are you _sure_ you’re alright, man?” TJ asked, leaning toward him slightly in concern.

“I’ll be fine,” Ryan said quickly. “I’m sure it’s just left over stress from yesterday.” He wouldn’t meet their eyes as his face burned, his throat tightening.

They didn’t really want to drop it, but eventually, they got back on the road. The last twenty minutes of their trip were spent in silence, the quiet radio the only noise in the car.

Several times, Ryan saw Shane turn to him, opening his mouth, before his eyes would dart toward the front seat. He’d then close his mouth and turn away from Ryan again.

By the time they reached the office, it was just past 3 in the afternoon and Ryan was filled with more negative emotion than he knew what to do with.

Shane and Ryan helped the others unload the vehicle, taking the equipment back to its proper place. TJ and Devon shot them both a reluctant goodbye, but made their way out of the building as soon as everything was put away.

“You ready to… Where are you going?” Shane asked, perplexed as Ryan made his way toward his desk.

“I just… I just need to be doing something right now,” Ryan replied, continuing forward.

Shane moved around a group that was standing in the hallway, sighing as he finally caught up to Ryan once more. He fell into step beside his partner.

“And you don’t want to do that _Something_ at home?” he asked. “You seem pretty out of it, man, I’m not gonna lie.”

The thought of going home right now, with nothing to distract Shane from Ryan’s behavior made him speed up slightly.

“I… Please just trust me on this Shane?” he begged, turning to look his boyfriend in the eye as they stopped at their desks.

Shane looked like he was searching Ryan’s soul for a brief moment before he nodded, eyes softening. “Okay,” he agreed. “If this is what you need, that’s what we’ll do.”

Ryan wanted to kiss him so fucking much.

 

***

 

They entered Shane’s apartment a little before 7 that night. Ryan had been able to stay at the office for a couple of hours before he started to lose focus. Shane had finally put his foot down and driven them both home.

As they moved into the apartment, Ryan could feel Shane’s eyes on his back, but he refused to turn around. He moved into the living room, taking a seat on the couch, gripping the edge in his hands as his head dropped.

He heard Shane come up beside him, felt the couch sick a little as he sat down next to him. “Ryan, _please_ talk to me,” he pleaded, hand lightly landing on Ryan’s back.

“I’m sorry,” Ryan whispered hoarsely, eyes squeezing shut against the burning feeling that was building up. “It’s so _stupid_.”

“Baby, if it’s bothering you _this_ much, I don’t give a fuck how dumb it is, I want to know so that I can _help_ you,” Shane insisted.

“You’ll laugh,” Ryan said hollowly.

Shane leaned in, pressing a kiss to Ryan’s temple, lingering with his lips softly brushing against the skin there as he spoke. “I won’t.”

“I…” Ryan sighed, shifting toward Shane. His partner’s arms came up to wrap around Ryan as he let himself fall into the embrace. “When we were at that house, I… I just felt uneasy, you know? And I know that you don’t get that, that’s fine, but then I _heard_ something through the spirit box, I _swear_ I did, and- and it said to _get out_ , Shane, and something about someone being _hurt_ , and then I tried to calm down and eventually I fell asleep, but…” he trailed off, his own arms tightening around Shane’s waist as he buried his face in Shane’s chest.

“It’s okay, Ry,” Shane said soothingly, burying his own face in Ryan’s hair. “You’re alright.”

Ryan lifted his head again to speak, resting his ear over Shane’s heart to hear the comforting beat. “I woke up feeling like _shit_ , Shane,” he continued in a hushed voice. “I don’t even know what woke me, I just felt… _panicked_ ; I was so _scared_. And then I heard a whistling sound, like people reported hearing on the tours, but when I called out to it, it just… _stopped_. And then I couldn’t fall asleep because I was so _afraid_ to close my eyes in case something happened and everything just built up and sometimes I felt like I couldn’t even _breathe_. And in the car, I didn’t mean to _hit_ you Shane, I’m _so_ sorry, I was just so _scared_ again and I don’t even know _why_ ,” he gasped out, nearly crying by the end. “I’ve done shit like this so many times and it never hits me this bad, and I don’t fucking know _why_ this time was different, but it _was_ and I still don’t feel _safe_ and I just want to let it go but I _can’t_ , Shane, I _can’t!”_

Shane’s arms tightened around Ryan as the tears started falling, all of his frustration and exhaustion and terror finally sending him careening over that edge. Shane’s lips pressed to the side of his head again as Ryan sobbed into Shane’s shirt. Shane pulled Ryan forward a little as he leaned back, urging the other to lay down on him. Once they were reclined, Shane gently rolled them over so that Ryan was on his side, his back braced by the couch.

Shane murmured quiet words into Ryan’s hair as his body shook. Ryan could make out _it’s okay_ , _you’re safe,_ _I’m here now, I’m sorry_.

Ryan wasn’t sure how long they laid there together; Shane, blocking the world out with his body, making Ryan feel safer than he had in _hours_. Finally, the shaking subsided, exhaustion pulling his entire body down.

Shane noticed, pulling back to place a gentle kiss on Ryan’s forehead, “Do you want to eat something?” he asked.

Ryan shook his head. He knew his stomach wouldn’t be happy with him later, but he couldn’t imagine trying to force something down his throat right now, his stomach turning at the thought.

“Okay, it’s okay,” Shane whispered softly. “Do you wanna head to bed, baby?”

“I don’t know if I can make my body move,” Ryan joked, voice a little rougher than he’d prefer.

He felt Shane’s lips turn up against his skin. “I might be able to help there,” he replied. He shifted Ryan out of his hold, standing up in front of the couch. Ryan’s eyes never left his lover’s form. When Shane leaned back down, moving his arms under Ryan’s knees and back, Ryan circled Shane’s neck, burying his face in his boyfriend’s shoulder as the taller man lifted him up.

They both knew that Ryan was physically stronger, but when it came down to it, Shane was nothing to scoff at.

He carried Ryan to the bedroom, Obi popping his head up from his place at the end of the bed at their entrance. He set Ryan down on the bed, moving back and stripping down to his boxers quickly. He then carefully helped his partner pull his shoes and socks off as Ryan sat up, throwing his shirt into the corner. Ryan then stood up slowly, slipping out of his jeans and letting them fall to the ground. Shane took Ryan’s hand, gently pulling him down onto the bed with him. He pulled the blankets over them and wrapped his arms around the shorter man. Ryan rested his head on Shane’s chest, tucking himself into his lover’s body and curling up around him.

“‘M sorry,” Ryan mumbled, pressing in closer to Shane.

“You have nothing to be sorry _for_ ,” Shane whispered, holding Ryan close. “Go to sleep, Ry. I’ll be here when you wake up, I promise. I won’t let anything happen.”

Ryan closed his eyes, finally finding a semblance of peace in his mind. As he laid there in the arms of the man he loved, he felt at home. He felt loved and _safe_ … and _so_ tired.

He fell asleep to the sound of Shane’s heartbeat, the golden light of the setting sun warming their legs.

 

***

 

Images and feelings that Ryan couldn’t keep hold of raced through his mind. He tried to remember them, but every time he thought he had one, it slipped out of his grasp like sand until he was left clutching at nothing but dread.

He forced his eyes open, nearly panting as his heart tried to beat out of his chest. He couldn’t see anything in the slightly blurred darkness. For a minute, Ryan was left with a deep, aching sadness, a fear that he couldn’t name; but then he felt strong arms tighten around him. Shane’s breathing changed under him.

“Ry?” he asked groggily. “You okay?”

“I don’t know,” Ryan whispered back. “I… I had a dream, I don’t remember…”

Shane laid a kiss to the top of Ryan’s head, pulling him in closer. “It was just a dream,” Shane said drowsily. “Promise. ‘M right here, Ry.”

Ryan brought his hand up to rest on Shane’s chest, feeling the warmth coming off of the other’s body. “Love you,” he mumbled tiredly.

Shane hummed in response, the soothing vibrations lulling Ryan back to sleep.

 

***

 

The next time Ryan came back to consciousness, it was a slow, easy process. Waking up seemed like a lackluster task; he was so comfortable and tired that he didn’t want to move. So he didn’t.

He felt a breeze from the open window lightly blow over his back where the sheets had fallen down. He cuddled into the warmth beneath him, feeling soft skin under his cheek, under his hands and chest. He shifted his leg so that it pressed closer in between the two beside him, tangling them together. When he felt a large hand gently tracing shapes onto his lower back, he shifted his head to look up, opening his eyes slightly.

Shane was staring down at him with a fond smile. “Hey you.”

Ryan could feel his lips turning upward in reply. “Hey,” he replied, voice a little rough from disuse in the night.

“How’d you sleep?” Shane asked, the comforting weight of his hand still low on Ryan’s back.

“Not too horribly. What about you?”

Shane hummed thoughtfully. “Not too bad. I had my own personal heated blanket draped over me, so it could’ve been worse.” He leaned down a little, placing a kiss on Ryan’s brow.

“Hope you weren’t too hot,” Ryan said quietly, hoping that he hadn’t been an inconvenience to the other man.

“I’m always too hot, baby, you know that,” Shane replied teasingly.

Ryan huffed out a laugh, smacking his boyfriend lightly with the back of his hand. “Shut the fuck up, Shane,” he said, the obvious affection in his voice taking the sting out of his words.

“Mmm, thought you wanted to have a conversation?”

“Not with you,” Ryan replied, still smiling.

“Rude,” Shane quipped, pressing another kiss to Ryan’s temple.

They laid there together in the early morning light, Shane still absently drawing on Ryan’s back with his fingers. The pleasant, tingly feeling that shot through his body at the action nearly made Ryan fall asleep again.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Shane asked in a low voice, hand continuing its soothing motions.

“What’s there to talk about?” he responded, ever so slightly tightening his arms around Shane’s core.

“Ryan,” Shane chided gently.

“I know, I- I’m sorry,” he whispered into Shane’s chest. “I know I’m high maintenance and I’m strung out all the time, and it would be so much _easier_ if you didn’t have to deal with this all the time, if you had someone else-”

Shane cut him off with a gentle kiss to his lips, his head leaning down to make the angle better. He pulled back slightly and pressed their foreheads together, letting his nose brush against Ryan’s. “I don’t want anyone else,” he admitted quietly. He shifted down to be eye level with his partner, the hand not on Ryan’s back reaching up to cup his lover’s face.

“You know I love you, right?”

Ryan nodded, his gaze locked on the soft brown of Shane’s eyes.

“And you know you make me so _incredibly_ happy?”

Ryan felt his cheeks heat up a little. “Shane-”

“You do,” he stated simply, as if it were a well-known fact. “I love _working_ with you, I love _traveling_ with you, _living_ with you, holding you in my arms… Ryan, you make my life _so_ much better in every way.”

Shane’s thumb gently wiped a stray tear from Ryan’s cheek, rubbing lovingly along Ryan’s cheekbone.

“You could _never_ be a burden to me, or something that I have to ‘ _deal with,_ ’ as you so eloquently put it,” he remarked, quiet but firm. “I love you for who you are, not in spite of it.”

Ryan turned his head to press his lips to the other’s palm. “I love you so much,” he whispered.

Shane leaned in again, his slightly chapped lips caressing Ryan’s cheek. He slowly kissed his way toward Ryan’s ear, sucking briefly at the sensitive skin just underneath, before making his way back toward the bridge of Ryan’s nose. As Ryan turned to fully face him again, Shane planted a delicate kiss to the tip of Ryan’s nose before their lips fully met. Shane’s lips felt even softer as they slowly moved with his. The hand on Ryan’s cheek moved back to cup the back of his neck, gently pulling them closer. The kiss stayed chaste, however, and Shane soon pulled back with a final lingering peck.

Shane leaned his forehead against Ryan’s again as they lay there together, his thumb rubbing circles into the skin right behind Ryan’s ear. Their breathing had picked up a bit with the kiss and Ryan knew he preferred this immensely to the other reasons his breathing had been heavy lately.

Their little bubble of peace was broken when Ryan felt something small bump into his foot. He lifted his head to look behind him and was met with the sight of Obi, stretched out with his paws kneading into the blanket that lay over Ryan’s foot.

Ryan let his head flop back down, Shane’s hand now resting over his exposed neck.

“Looks like we finally woke Sleeping Beauty down there,” Shane mused.

“Sleeping Beauty better watch his claws,” Ryan grumbled, drawing a laugh and another quick kiss from his boyfriend.

“You know you love him,” Shane said smugly, mouthing at the underside of Ryan’s jaw. Ryan tilted his head up, allowing the other better access.

“Mmm… Maybe,” Ryan conceded, a slight shiver racing up his spine at the combination of Shane’s mouth and his hand, which was massaging the small of Ryan’s back, his fingers occasionally dipping lower before pulling back up.

Shane hummed as he faced Ryan again, his lips just barely brushed over Ryan’s.

“I guess…” he said huskily. “We should probably go feed him then.”

Ryan groaned as Shane laughed again, pecking the space between Ryan’s eyebrows lightly as he began the process of untangling their limbs. Once he succeeded in that task, he threw the covers off, standing up as Ryan lay with his arm thrown over his eyes, body only half covered by the blankets. Obi’s head popped up as Shane walked toward the door. Ryan lifted his arm above his head to watch as the cat quickly got up and jumped off the bed to weave through Shane’s legs.

“I’m gonna kick you down the hall one of these days and you’re gonna blame _me_ ,” Shane complained, as he reached a hand out to the wall to help steady him. Obi’s only response was to stare up with wide eyes and meow loudly at him.

“Yeah, yeah,” Shane grouched sarcastically, continuing toward the kitchen as Ryan finally sat up, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed and placing them on the floor.

As his partner reached the door, Ryan called out hesitantly. “Shane?”

The taller man immediately came to a halt and turned to face him. “Yeah?”

Ryan looked into his eyes, seeing nothing but love and a hint of worry. “Thank you,” he said quietly, eyes flicking down to the floor.

“You don’t have to thank me Ry,” Shane replied, his voice just as quiet. As Ryan looked back up, he saw a soft smile being directed at him. “I’m happy to hold you and make you feel better whenever you need, baby. Say the word, even when we’re filming, and I’ll gladly out us to our fans and all the little ghosties that don’t actually exist.”

Ryan’s laugh followed Shane as he walked down the hall, Obi at his side (and occasionally under his feet).

The cat let out another mewl, looking up at him.

“I know, buddy… He’s pretty cute, huh?”

Obi purred happily as he rubbed against Shane’s legs.

“Always knew you had good taste,” Shane replied, smiling.

He knew that he and Ryan weren’t done talking yet. They still needed to figure out ways for Shane to be able to comfort his co-host on camera if it ever got this bad again, preferably _without_ flaunting their relationship, if that’s what Ryan wanted. Shane knew that Ryan had needlessly suffered in silence yesterday, mostly due to the fact that they weren’t public yet. But Shane didn’t give a fuck who knew about them if it meant that Ryan didn’t have to break down like that again. He didn’t know if he’d ever fully forget the way that Ryan had sobbed into his chest, or the way he’d nearly screamed in the car. At this point, the only thing holding them back was a want for privacy, but Shane would throw that away in an instant if he needed to.

They still had a lot to discuss, maybe over a nice home-cooked breakfast, but as Shane thought about Ryan’s loving smile from that morning, his cute groan of frustration when Shane had pulled away teasingly, he knew that they’d be alright.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed, and if you did, feel free to let me know in a comment, they make my day! ♡
> 
> For those that want more context on the nightmare that Ryan had in bed with Shane, the next fic in this series will give you the context of what I was imagining, but feel free to imagine any horrible thing you want instead


End file.
